We all have those proud moments where you think things are getting easier, or your childs' accomplishments are above standard but I am warning you...Don't ever say them outloud! As soon as you put the period at the end of that sentence that shit flies out the window and your child is no longer sleeping through the night, or saying "mama" etc. Other things we think are great accomplishments end up biting us in the ass later on in life when we realize those accomplishments have now made our lives harder.
Here's my top ten of things to NEVER say outloud, shit don't even think about them or write about them or anything!
1. My son/daughter just started sleeping through the night!
You might want to leave town after announcing this. And leave your child at home....they will no longer sleep through the night anymore, or ever again after this one!
2. My son/daughter can now sit up on their own!
Now it's a constant struggle of laying them down while they want to sit up, bottles become increasing difficult to give along with obv sitting up in their crib when they are supposed to be laying down/sleeping.
3. My son/daughter only like healthy food!
Cue the Mac n Cheese (only the highlighter yellow one will do) cookies, cupcakes, juice and fries. Your child will no longer just eat blueberries and oatmeal for breakfast...what were YOU thinking!
4. My son/daughter can throw a ball!
Start practicing your ducking abilities and hiding everything that is heavy and would impale you while being thrown at your head. This is fun isn't it?!
5. My son/daughter has NEVER had a diaper rash thank god!
Don't be so thankful yet, in fact proceed straight to Target, get about 2-3 tubes of diaper rash cream, do not pass GO and do not collect $200.
6. My son/daughter can walk!
With walking comes running which comes chasing and ends in you being freaking tired all day every day...let them crawl as long as possible.
7. I hope my child gets some teeth soon!
No you don't, holy hell teething is the Devils' younger son who wants to haunt your dreams. And who cares if they have teeth, they will learn how to eat EVERYTHING without them so enjoy it as much as possible.
8. My child just falls alseep in the car.
Yes when they are young they do or did because now that you said it! But then there comes a point when they get bored and are throwing that heavy ass Vtech toy at your head while you are on the highway. Now I can't even eat in peace in my car cuz I swear my son can smell the food.
9. I'm not feeding my kid any solid food until 6months.
That's totally fine, it's your prerogative...however if at 3-4 months old your kid won't leave your plate of food alone I have a feeling you will change your mind.
10. I'm not sure if I'm going to vaccinate my child.
First off don't ever say this outloud...Esp around other moms or get ready for a throw down. 1st off us moms FREAK out the first time our kid gets sick..even if it's a cold..don't even talk about a child getting Measles or Rubella..it's not good. Yes there are risks as with anything, do your research, keep your opinions to yourself, and keep your un-vaccinated child out of my doctors office ;)
That's it, that's my top 10. Am I missing any??
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