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Friday, February 28, 2014

Babyfood...The Good, The Bad, The Evil

That feeling of panic when your Pediatrician announces you can start giving your baby some babyfood...WHAT?! I don't even know where to begin..what about that rice stuff, or the oatmeal stuff, or the..the...OK CALM DOWN! I'll do a quick run-down for ya, and the best part is EVERY baby is even if I say this shizzle worked for me, odds are you will have to do some modifying of your own..GRRReat. I know that is your life now, roll with the punches!

My doc suggested at 4 mo to start giving my little man some oatmeal/rice 2x's a day to get him used to taking and swallowing food. WELL...sounds easy right? Haha, you so funny! So he basically gagged every time I tried to give him the oatmeal...I stopped giving him rice in his bedtime bottle because my Aunt sent me an article about arsenic being a natural occurrence in rice. I tried, and tried and tried. Finally I said Eff this and gave him some straight up fruit puree. O he gobbled that shit down! So first thing that didn't go according to plan: Eating Oatmeal plain.

So then everyday we would sit down for 2 "meals" to see what he liked/didn't like and to watch out for allergies...Lawdy help me! For some odd reason he never wanted to eat bananas...and it took me AWHILE to figure out they give him diarrhea...his poop is forever changing after starting ANY kind of solid foods so that's my excuse. So no oatmeal..check and check!

So I got some Gerber, Ellas, Happy Baby, Earthsbest, and Sprout...Here's the rundown.

1st Place goes to Ella's. Not only are the ingredients all things you can say outloud without have a doctorate in nutrition(is that possible?) but the consistency is perfect for "spooning" ha pun! I also enjoy the flavor combinations- not everything has fricken bananas in it- and packaging is Uber cute. However this is the most expensive so go figure.
2nd Place goes to Sprout and this is due solely to the availability in your area, it's hard to find this shit by me, I have to order it online which sucks, because who can predict how much babyfood they will need, or if your little one will enjoy the flavor combos. But I ordered some off Zulily and was pleasantly suprised...flavor combo's are great, packaging is simple but yet enticing and cost is up there with Ella's. This is also Tyler Florence's babyfood of choice. You be the judge

3rd Place is Happy Baby, or Happy Tot...I am loving the flavor combos, very spoon-able and price is a little lower than Ella's but higher than Gerber. Kind of hard to find also :(

Mentionables-Gerber...hate it, hate it, hate it. Sooo watery, ingredients are all scientific names, no exciting flavor combos. Seems like this company has been the same company they were 20 years ago. Earthbest-OK, has a new "world" line that offers interesting flavor combos..Ratatouille anyone? Price point is good...Kind of hard to find or instock at least...and I HATE going to Babies R Us for food but they usually have a  ton of it.

Now I can finally add in some oatmeal into one of the fruit/veggie purees and he will eat it..took some work tho I'm not gonna lie. The good news is...especially if you are breastfeeding...once they start eating solids they get solid poop! Go Figure! Now pooping will consist of much louder grunts and maybe even a few red faces. Let me know which food your baby likes!


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

PUMP you very much!

Did you register for your baby shower yet? Did you put an enormously expensive Breast Pump on there? Well if you did take it off. Back in 2010 if you didn't know, the Affordable Health Care Act offered assistance with purchasing or renting a breast pump. Back in the day when I was preggars my Aunt sent me a link stating that breast pumps COULD be covered underneath our health insurance so I wouldn't need to purchase one. I just had to do some HELLA amount of research. First off you have to see IF your Health Insurance covers Breast Pumps or any other Durable Medical Equipment...I had to call several times because they didn't know what the hell I was talking about..UH DUH we pump our boobies with them to feed the babies!

After finally getting someone who knew their head from their ass...YES it COULD be covered, first off I would need my Doctor to Prescribe it to me..then I need to find a store around my house that sells Durable Medical Equipment AND is an in-network provider..out of the huge long list of them I found 1/10 that sold/rented breast pumps. The rest were like sleep apnea machines, wheelchairs, etc. I would then need to bring my prescription into the store and they would order and submit the claim to my insurance and then I could pick it up and probably owe a small deductible of $40. SWEET! So if you have like at least 5 extra hours out of a day to be on hold and callback to get the answer you are looking for then by all means have at it! Hell they go for around $300 so I think that is totally worth it!

O and another thing, don't expect to rent from the Hospital when you are their having your child, to get you by until you get the one from the store...MOST hospitals do not rent on the weekends and neither do any other fricken place for that either get that shit done ahead of time or have your kid during the week when you can rent a pump...What a fricken ridiculous little side bar eh? I was on fire when they told me I was out of luck, especially since I was there on a Friday and then Saturday came around and I had to ask to rent one...O breast is best bullshit now imparts on your freedoms and you have to tell and ask everything. That's another thing on the weekend births, there usually isn't a lactation specialist there on the weekends either...I mean what's up with that! I understand everyone needs a day off but sheesh I was shit out of luck while I was there for the weekend. I had every nurse tell me different ways to feed him to get him to latch. Boy was that fun!

So if you REALLY want to be prepared get your pump ahead of time AND talk to a lactation specialist before giving birth. And that's IF you are really concerned about breastfeeding. I didn't care how he was getting the milk so I planned on just pumping and giving it to him that way, that would also help so that other people would be able to feed him not just me. So good thing I wasn't hell-bent on getting him to latch cuz that shit is stressful! Here's a brand-new fragile thing and you have to twist it's head this way and fun!

Here's a recipe...FINALLY I know, I have been slacking, anywho these wraps are the bomb people say that anymore? I used a regular flour wrap since the multi-grain ones make me dry heave...what do they put in those things?! If you have found one that doesn't resemble the taste of dog food let me know!

Black Bean and Feta Stuffed Burritos
From Real Simple Magazine

1/2 c. cooked brown rice
1 c. greek yogurt plain
2 limes
2 avocados
1 c. crumbled feta cheese
1 c. shredded red cabbage
1 15.5 oz. can black beans, rinsed
1 cucumber sliced thin
4 warmed burrito size tortillas
Rotisserie Chicken and hot sauce (optional)

Mix yogurt, 1/4 c. chopped cilantro, 2 tbsp. lime juice and feta, add some salt depending on saltiness of Feta. Put a tortilla down, layer- 1/4 of all ingredients- Rice, Sauce, cabbage, cucumber, avocado, beans, chix, hot sauce. Roll up and devour!

Happy Pumping!


Monday, February 24, 2014

To Be or Not to Be....

We keep going back and forth about having another's a HUGE deal. I am cool with one, I have always said I just wanted one from the very beginning. My husband on the other hand really wants our son to have a sibling..he had siblings but they were like half-sies so he never had that bond or connection that builds between the two so I totally get why he wants our son to have that. My brother is 8 years younger than me so we have a connection..but it's more like a Mother/Son connection that a Bro/Sis. I am constantly giving him advice whether he likes it or not...but sometimes we do surprise each other with that Bro/Sis connection. I introduced him to Fireball and he has introduced to me what life used to be like in your 20s. So it's probably the best of both worlds, while we never got in trouble together we have both lived through each others troubles. If that makes any sense?

But having another child is such a huge fricken deal and I'm having trouble getting past it. When Drew was like 6 mo old I thought "Let's do it!" Let's get this show on the road and I'll pop another out and we will be DONE! Then like 2 weeks later I thought completely differently and realized how much I enjoy Drew now...he's getting so "fun", a little more independant and SOMETIMES; a little more predictable. I really do enjoy him right now...the first 8 weeks not so much. I can make him laugh, he gives me weird little expressions and he smiles at anything/anybody. So it's great to take him places where he can be super friendly and I can show off the fact that we make cute babies.

Then I think; is it fair to split my time with another I HAVE time for another baby? I hear my friends talk about their kids which are very close in age and there are definitely two sides, One is that the older one becomes a little more independent since you are focusing more on the younger one..Two is after the jealous, "I hate mommy" stage there comes a sweet stage where the older sibling starts to show affection for the younger. As much as I would love the second, the first scares the hell out of me. Call me crazy but I want Drew to need me..I know he always will but I don't want him to start becoming super independent at a young age which my parents tell me that was my M.O. if I can help it all. I think the deciding factor will be when Drew comes home from school one day and asks for a sibling..How can you say no to that?

But the thought of getting pregnant, being pregnant for what feels like an eternity..then going into labor with all that jazz makes me extremely drowsy..and to think there will be no more mid-day naps since I will have a toddler on my hands suddenly makes me want to take all my Birth Control pills at once. So I think it will take quite a bit of convincing to have me cave in...even though part of me is like "you quit your job, get it done now while you can!". And what if we have a girl?! Oh my I might just go over the edge, girls scare the hell out of me, I remember how I was growing up!

Also I wonder if there is a service where when you have your baby you can send them off for like the first 8 weeks to be cared for...then you get them back when they are not having screaming bouts of gas, eating every 2 hours and no smiles or anything for you to base anything off of. I tell you those were the roughest days EVER...but now it's all worth it and I'm sure someday when he's taken the car out and has missed his curfew I might rethink that statement.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Spinning...Hitler's Exercise of Choice.

Duuuuuude, how do people do spinning??? So my friend and I have been going to the gym pretty regularly and she's like "lets do this spinning class", it was nice and early to get it out of the way, well I've never done spinning before but my legs are usually the least flub areas so I figured eh why not?! A few things I probably should have researched BEFORE taking a spin class. You fricken sweat pools so bring a bottle of water, or a rag, or both! Research some of the lingo..."you want to be at the top of a 3 moving into a 4" WTF are we talking about here? Should have taken the class at the end of the day since every single muscle in my body was ripped to shreds. Realized the class was actually an hour long and not 45 minutes. Who the HELL wants to spin for an hour?! These people need to be put on medication for sure, they have a problem, this is like crazy Chinese torture shit, this is like 50 Shades of Gray shit except your instructor is a not-so-attractive female and there are no orgasms...actually that's pretty accurate since your vagina feels like you were in the Mile High Club with Ron Jeremy and his crew. FUCK THAT.

And how long does it take to heal "down there" after giving birth, well I'm here to say I am turning on month 8 and I still feel jacked. That thought didn't really cross my mind when I was thinking of taking the class...I mean sex JUST started not to kill me. Then they give you this little banana size piece of chrome to lean your lady parts on while you pedal your happy little ass off. At first you are like "not so bad!" then after about 30 minutes I was pretty much done. I knew at that point there was no sitting on anything hard that night...even my husband..HAHA!  My shit was gonna be ground beef with no tenderizer! Damn you bicycle seats!

So I guess you get USED to the pain, rubbing, agony, after awhile and your lady parts don't hurt as bad...and how might one get "used" to is...Does your vagina grow some sort of callus? Cuz the last thing I want after I've shot a baby out there is to be all calloused "hey Honey aren't I SEXY?" But I can make it through a whole spin class! No thank you! I mean who came up with a bike anyway? I know they needed to get around and shit but why are the seats so small for our fat asses?? And why are they shaped like a penis so the short narrow end basically winds up inside of us while our asshole is being ripped in two because are cheeks are hanging over the sides? Too Graphic for ya? Eh go read some other prudes blog, I am here to tell it how it is..AND to WARN any poor unfortunate souls who have a friend that will persuade them into a spin class. Don't do it! I am speaking from your vagina!

I laughed out loud when I googled "spinning sucks" to find a picture for this post..This pretty much sums it up...Any experiences you have of "spinning" or I will call it "killing your vagina"?


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

My World=Crazy

Let me just start out this entry by saying I am lucky, blessed, whatever. I am so thankful for all the people in my life and I pride myself on not burning any bridges and keeping in contact w/ former coworkers/bosses/etc. You never KNOW who your next boss will be :) I can't tell you how many times I have gotten a job opportunity from a previous person who knew so and so that I worked with like five million years ago. And Believe ME it's hard! You know how many times I wanted to say "FUCK OFF" to ALOT of people I worked with before, how many people I had to work with that I ended up doing the majority of the work because they were slackers, how many bosses I worked for that were total douchebags..but the important part..I didn't. I resisted the urge. Maybe someday I will get to say what is REALLY on my mind.
Funny Workplace Ecard: I'm sorry my recent absence from work caused you to have to do your own work.

In this day and age it is all "Who you know". And also that you show up...I have trained people that were worthless but they came in everyday and you know what my boss would say "well they came back didn't they" that entitles them to a job? Who knew. Back to the point, when I put in my notice at my former full time position it was a shocker...we were right in the middle of changing things yet again with our customers and there was ALOT of work to be done. They tried everything to get me to continue working for them. Maybe I could get a raise? Could I clock in for a few hours at home? Would I want more hours? YEA RIGHT! You couldn't pay me enough money to keep that shitty position after they were about to wreck havoc on all of our tools that we use and that our customers use...because what changes happen that always go smoothly? NONE! I was done, I was sooo done with that company and their shitty decision. I actually felt bad for our customers, so many times I wanted to whisper..."please go find another company to do business with" disappointing because there is great potential there with the ladies that I worked with.

My plan after quitting was doing hair a few times a week and doing these At-home wine tasting parties. The hair I knew was going to be hard...Salons suck and let me tell you why. Almost all of them force you to sit there during your shift, even if you don't have any clients for the "possibility" of a walk-in where unless you work at Great Clips ain't gonna happen. Keep in mind you are not getting paid for sitting there, you only make commission if you have a client. Usually clients are booked based on the hairdresser that has been there the longest and so on down the road until you get to the newbie. As someone basically starting from scratch I figured they hired me because they needed me and therefore I would get clients. Now I wasn't planning on doing 2k in sales my first week in, but as I'm looking at the schedule I'm noticing there are a FEW stylists that aren't booked at all...which means my chances of getting clients is pretty slim. I had a panic attack, not like we need the money but because I had made this decision and what was I going to do now..I can't sit at a salon for hours doing nothing while either having Drew watched by my parents or even worse PAYING someone to watch him while I make $0.

By some crazy shift in the atmosphere or my dumb luck my cousin contacted me about a work-from-home opportunity. I was like "what"? Because I really didn't think they existed..but this thing is sweet. I log in for a few hours a few times a week and I monitor a company's Social Media sites. So I basically look at any Tweets, or FB posts and reply to them. I feel like this is sooo up my alley and the best thing I can do it from home and it's not demanding a ton of hours! How is it that I get this opportunity? I wonder sometimes who is looking out for me and how perfect of timing everything is. Needless to say I feel a MILLION times better about the mishap at the salon, I know they mean well and I know how the rules go...I might just have to wait a little bit before embarking on that journey again. In the meantime I need to get a damn sink installed somewhere in my house so I can just do it from home like I used to! Damn Condos.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Body After Baby...WTF is THAT?!

Gotta love Celebs, they sure do take the reality out of everything. Case in point; Body after baby...these little bitches just spring right back without a stretchmark in site, just ONCE I would like to see a celeb sporting the floppy lower belly hanging over their pants that all of us get which is AWESOME! Shit, I still have mine! In fact, in case you didn't know you are given a DIFFERENT body after having a baby that you started with.. It's the weirdest and most creepy thing ever,  you WILL look into the mirror and go "this isn't my body, WHO'S body is THIS?" and that is COMPLETELY normal, it sucks don't get me wrong..I knew I would be heavier..well duh, and I figured my floppy belly would be there and my stretchmarks would still be there also.

ashlee wells jackson

 But what you aren't prepared for is that everything is in funky places. Before when I would be on the heavy side it would be all in my belly and that was it, so I would wear some flowy shirts before I got my ass back to working out on a somewhat regular basis. I have always been a very active person..I played soccer from like age 10-High School and I played Club ball all year round, so basically soccer 7 days a week which is such a great workout and my position of Mid-field didn't hurt that either, we did the most running back and forth, back and I was a stick...after all that hoopla I enjoyed running..well I'll say jogging..before I got pregnant I would try to go 3x's a week around our neighborhood before work..yea I somehow got very dedicated. Then when I got pregnant I still tried to go either walking with the dogs, Zumba, or Biggest Loser Boxfit for Xbox...I wanted to not be the hugely gross pregnant lady who's just eating donuts and drinking soda. Although I had my fair share of donuts :)

After my marathon of Labor the doctor ending up giving me an episiotomy because I was just "too small and muscular" down there...huh WHAT?! So I guess that factor didn't help me in actually getting that fella out of my vagina. But I was hopeful that I would get some weight off quickly because I was good at keeping active up until that point and wanted to start out soon.

Two things happened after the birth of my beautiful baby boy...sleep deprivation and incontinence. Which NO baby books really touch on and I already had a little bought of incontinence when I would do 5K's. Overexertion would def. bring that shit on and there I go running for the bathroom. Well it didn't even ring a bell that I might have that issue after giving birth. So I went to go jogging around 7 weeks I think, I was still trying to breastfeed so my boobs were punching themselves in their faces while I went around the block and after about 5 minutes I ended up peeing ALL over myself. Well that was nice and refreshing...I made it a point to take it easy for a few more weeks, try some simple workouts around the house along with Kegels to try to strengthen that jazz before tying up the running shoes again.

You just don't realize all the hell that you put your body through when you are carrying a child...all your skin stretches, fat accumulates in the weirdest parts and all of a sudden you look like a contestant on biggest loser with all your flappy skin. BUT at least you have a beautiful baby to look at to keep your mind off all of that. I recently read an amazing article HERE about body after babies and realistic pictures of REAL moms not stupid celebs. I give these moms great credit because the last thing you want to do is throw on a bikini and take some photos! But we have to realize the big picture here...YOU MADE A CHILD! YOU CARRIED A HUMAN BEING FOR 9-10MONTHS! I mean if that isn't a miracle then I don't know what is...Who cares if our bodies are all mangled afterwards, I consider my stretchmarks my war wounds and I am sure anyone who cannot conceive would take them in a heartbeat to be able to have this gift. So take your time, don't get down on your flappy lower's proof of how amazing we are and what we can offer to our families and our husbands. Because there is no way a MAN could go through what we do :)

Friday, February 14, 2014

Patience IS a virtue!

Well a long, long time ago before I became pregnant or even had a kid I was Mrs. Organized, Mrs. On-time, and even Mrs. Remembering Shit You Couldn't. Now EVERYTHING has changed. And it's still hard to get used to. I might want to mention that I was 33 weeks pregnant when we moved...only about 30 minutes away, but we had lived in that house for almost 4 years..accumulating shit, acquiring shit, whatever. So packing SUCKS in general and I think unpacking SUCKS even throw a pregnancy in the mix and you got yourself a recipe for at least a FEW meltdowns along with months and months of "have you seen that?" and pretty sure I threw away half the shit I needed for that one thing that that one person bought me...and not being able to find things REALLY drive me keep me up at night crazy. So Mrs. Organized...nice knowing ya, maybe we will meet again.

When I used to think taking a trip to the City was it's Hell on wheels..pre-kid..."O Man we need gas in the car...and can you grab me a water while you are in there" Now "do I have diapers, food, bottles, spoon, paci, toys, burp rag, bibs, stroller, carseat...kid?" Half the time I forget key items that I need...I forgot I had Aunt Flo amongst the chaos and left the house with NOTHING...hmmm you think I can use one of these bibs..and just like fasten it get the point. It's especially horrific when my Husband isn't home..then I have to plan that during one of my kids naps I gather all of said items mentioned above and pack them, along with what I need which USUALLY doesn't happen. And did I mention that all this makes me horribly LATE for EVERYTHING. Like even just going out to lunch with I have to start getting just HIM ready 15 minutes before I even have to leave in case of diaper blowouts, spitup blowouts or just some crazy ass unnatural occurrence. I would compare it to you are going on Survivor and do not know when you will be back. So Goodbye Mrs. Ontime...hope my friends/family don't hate me!

As you can tell from my lack of posting this week I have been crazily overwhelmed, which you might think is a joke.."Didn't she just quit her fulltime job?" Yes I did. However I AM caring for my child pretty much until 6pm every night, and then putting him to bed ( I have some help during the evening with the Hubs) I am also going to the gym and work at a salon 2 days a week and ALSO do direct sales for a Wine Company which I am totally digging. SO I am having trouble with time-management. I need to schedule myself to check emails, send out wine info, looks presentable for the salon, try to schedule a good time to go to the gym since they do not feed or change the babies. Somehow make dinner, go to the store, pay bills, clean house. Keep in mind Drew has been napping like crap and has diarrhea so I am expecting another tooth..JOY. I still feel like I need more hours in the day but I am sure hopefully soon I can grasp some sort of routine so I do not lose my mind. O I forgot to add blogging in there :) And remembering to do all that shit above HA! I have to leave myself little notes all around the house so I remind myself...What am I going through I 80 years old? No my attention is constantly on that little rug rat army-crawling all over the house. Mrs. Remembering yea you knew you were next...See ya!

What I AM working on is Patience...before if I saw something dirty I would clean it, if I saw a recipe I wanted to make I went to the store, bought the groceries, came home and cooked it! If I wanted to go to Homegoods and try to decorate my house I did it! Now I can try to accomplish those things but I have to keep in mind that if it doesn't work out to NOT get discouraged. Tomorrow is another day and another day you can try, nothing is that pressing...well unless it's like "do I have enough formula to get through the day" And sometimes the little guy just isn't in the mood to go to a party..and I have to respect that. We might have to miss out on a few things in this lifetime but is it worth it forcing it and having him and us miserable? NOPE! So I hope you parents out there realize that you are doing the best you can, and if your best is taking a shower on the 3rd day then so be it! Your kid will love you no matter how bad you smell, look for the cues and be patient, babies have bad days just like we do. Happy Valentine's Day to all the Mommy's out there, my little guy is mine :)


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Day in the Life...

No joke I wanted to show you what my 1st day being a "stay-at-home mom" was all about.. I wanted to preface this with I don't know how parents of multiple kids do it! I am pooped.

6am-he woke up...peed through pj's...damnit! quickly changed him and put him back down
630-Hubby wakes up as I am laying back down...wants to get he serious?!
730-745-Somewhere in that time frame one of the dogs throws up in our room...because someone didn't feed them before he left for work
8am-UP! at the same time I manage to feed the dogs, warm up Drew's bottle (I make one the night before) do a little dance between letting the dogs out and entertaining Drew before his bottle is ready
820-Bottle done, time for my bottle..I mean coffee
825-835-Tried to get Drew interested in "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" because I have never seen it...NOPE
840-Solid food time for Drew, whip up some oatmeal and fruit mixed in..practice sippy cup
845-Did he poop? YES..argh
850-submit my wine order for my party this past weekend while he's on my lap trying not to let him grab and eat everything in sight
900-Moms coffee has kicked in, put Drew in crib w/ Mobile going so I can run to the bathroom
905-Get laundry thats been done for two days and put Drew on his floor w/ some toys while I put it away
930-1030-Nap time...thank the good lord...during the next hour I get to myself one would think I would take it easy, maybe put my feet up..Girl you Cray! Time for: Shower, shove something in my mouth, put on yoga pants and shirt, brush teeth, hair in pony, make bottles for the rest of the day and food if needed. Wash dirty bottles, Clean up the puke that's been festering, and DING fries are done...Drew is up...oh man
1030-1130 Get Drew dressed for the day, diaper change, play on the floor, read him books
1130-12 Exersaucer while I check emails, shove something else in my mouth, potty break and FB
12-Bottle time!
1215-1245-play with him on my lap so he doesn't spew his whole bottle (he has a very sensitive stomach)
1245-Solid food time and practice sippy
1pm-I think he pooped again? YES
115-200-Go to the grocery store..Drew used to sleep in the car and the whole time out but not anymore! He's wide awake through the whole store. And yes this took me a minimum of 45 minutes due to it being winter and I have to dress him up like we are going out in a blizzard
215-315 NAP TIME-put groceries away, Cook some broccoli and cauliflower for Drews meals for the next few days. Puree that shit up and put into pouches
3pm- Dads home...holy crap I haven't seen him in weeks aside from the 10 seconds this morning
315-330-play w Dad, I go to the bathroom, check emails, FB
330-4 play with me while Dad takes a shower for an hour....we are working on that
4pm-Bottle Time
415-430 Play on my lap while trying not to spew
445-Solid Food time and practice Sippy
5-6pm-Play on the floor, read books, throw him around :)
6-7pm LAST NAP OF THE DAY! I get dinner ready, eaten, put away, dishwasher ran
7-8pm either bath and  Pj's or play and Pj's
8pm- Bottle, lights out and pray he goes to bed on the first try!
830-930-Make bottle for morning, clean up the toy tornado, watch 1 of the millions shows on my DVR, write a blog, go to bed.

Now you might look at this and say "hey she got a lot done" HA! You want to know what my list consisted of...

Wipe down counters
Put a load of laundry in
Wash Floors
Make 2 more babyfood meals
Change Drews sheets
Wash our bedding
Bring bags of shit from work in the house

So basically I didn't get any cleaning done and just played with the boy all day. Well at least there are more days in the week right?! And this is cake now, when he was younger it was a lot more work because he ate more often and napped more frequently but for shorter time periods so every day just melted into the next. Happy Hump Day ya'll!


Monday, February 10, 2014

FML....I mean FMLA

Anyone in the workplace about to have a baby has to do the dreaded FMLA paperwork along w/ pretty much not making anything while they are on leave...and that's IF your employer graciously lets you take the time off (companies under 50 employees do not have to secure your position for you while you are away). Mine threw it in my face several times..that he was "so nice" for "letting" me leave for 3 months and come back to my position...whatever fuckface. I was taking that time either didn't matter if I had a job when I got back or not, sorry I'm not one of those psycho's that after 6 weeks everything is hunky dory.

Here's my issue with our wonderful countries FMLA laws...First off, this is supposedly the "greatest country", land of the free and opportunity..where you can voice your opinion, vote, equal rights...blah blah blah...but DON'T expect to have a child and get any kind of reimbursement or extended time off your job after the fact you really should be checking out childcare while your little one is in utero. Isn't that insane?! How depressing is planning for someone else to care for your child before he/she is even born?!

So for instance Germany...those bitches get 42 weeks of PAID leave along with 120 weeks of unpaid leave...WTF!!! Can I just go to Germany for like 2 years and reap those benefits? Holy Cannoli. And the US at the bottom of the totem pole; 12 weeks of UNPAID fricken gracious of you. Not like we need to heal physically/emotionally and care for a newborn or anything...NAW just pop that little shit out and lace up those boots; back to the workplace you go. I mean I totally get it, we aren't at work, however we are doing an awesome thing..and I feel like our country should follow suit a little..I mean we aren't even competing with any of these countries. Why do you think so many people are on wellfare after they have kids...planned or not.

So I got something like 60% of my pay for 6 weeks while I was out (which again was thrown in my face because it's not something the company "has" to do for me)...then I was also paying for our entire families Health Insurance out of my paycheck. So basically I got nothing while I was out because I just had to pay that back once I started again and had to make up for all the medical payments while I wasn't getting a paycheck. FML is right! The only good thing that came out of that is we realized how we DIDN'T need my income to survive..and that's when the wheels started turning :)

And I know everyone has their opinions about the whole Obamacare thing...however I would just like to add...this gave me the freedom to quit my job..Matts job doesn't offer health insurance at we were dependent on my shitty ass position for our health insurance. Once we were able to go online and select a plan was GOODBYE shitty job! So if that is the only good story you will hear out of all of it..let me tell you how happy I am that I have that option.


Friday, February 7, 2014

He doesn't even eat SUGAR!

I am writing this blog from my new computer...YAY! I've had a laptop for the last 8+ years and although nice to be portable, not very efficient for getting anything important done especially when it takes 2 years to boot up. It has served its purpose. So today was Drew's last day with our Nanny since I am going to be off next week. I really liked it's kind of sad, plus I think it's good for him to be around people other than me. I mean I want him to get attached but not TOO attached ya know? At least I don't have to worry about him walking up to me asking for milk since I am not breastfeeding..that scares the shit out of me! So I'm going to try to plan more date nights with the Hubs or something so I can keep in contact with her. But I can't wait to be home with my little I going to be regretting this??? Ha I'm sure we will have bad days but the good ones make up tenfold for the bad ones.

It's so depressing when I would drive home from work to pick him up, he falls asleep in the car ride home and then sleeps for an hour once we are I get like an hour with him before bedtime. NOPE ain't gonna fly with this chick. But he is a nutcase right straight up spazz. I'm hoping it's a phase because right now when I hold him he is trying to crawl out of my arms and wants anything and everything that he shouldn't have. O...there's the remote...YUP I want that! O...there's the dog bone...YUP gimme gimme. O...the glasses on your face, YUP I'll take those too. I feel like I'm just constantly taking things out of his hands and he isn't even crawling/walking yet! He's basically slithering. And it's a sneaky slither..there are different speeds. So when I think he just is leisurely slithering so I go to do something; I look back and realize he's picked up speed and on the track for an electrical outlet....Good Lord Boy! So I definitely need to get some of those damn outlet plugger things...

He's so fricken hyper that when I put him on couch he is bouncing his legs so hard they are bouncing back at him and he's toys! I fo sho need 3 cups of coffee to keep up. I put him in his exer-saucer thing and he goes crazy for about 1/2 hour...then he's dead...I can see it in his eyes..I pull him out and he's all jelly...and ready for a nap as soon as possible it's the funniest thing. I am in trouble and I know this. I'm hoping this will help me get the last 20lbs off!

At least when the weather mellows out we can go for stroller jogs..he loves looking at everything and that wears him out too. Here he is in all his glory and holding still for 5 seconds.
I swear I will get you some new recipes next has been insane with finishing out my day job and doing a working interview for my 2 nights a week job. I've basically eaten Cheerios or a granola bar for dinner every night this week.

One quick side note I did get a chance to watch the Bachelor...this dude..O I can't kiss you...O I can kiss and have sex with you in the he for real? Why don't you quit lying to the girls you don't want to kiss and just send their asses home. I really want Andi to win but things aren't looking great for her..being last to get a rose..What's up with that?! You no Juano no Andi? haha and don't get my started on Claire...argh! How fricken needy can you be and have they had any meaningful conversations like "What do you like on your pizza?" Cuz that shit matters. Going the rest of you life ordering half-this and half-that sucks, take it from a girl who knows!

I haven't gotten a chance to watch the Biggest Loser however I did see the pics of the Winner Rachel and I have to jump on the bandwagon that she is too skinny...I couldn't find anywhere how tall she is, but 105lbs I think isn't healthy for anyone unless you are in 7th Grade or something. Yikes! Ok see you biotches next week :)

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Bath Time...not for the faint at heart.

So yea labor is scaring, giving birth is pretty scary...but giving your child a bath for the first THAT'S Scary!! You just get your little fragile human home and now you have to make it all slippery and hope you don't drop it?? Well that's not fair, did you hear how I'm "rubber arms" from clutching the damn birthing bars? If you missed that post, it's HERE. So it was great that Matt was home with me for a week after the Hospital because I needed all the back-up I could get to gear up to wash this child.

At least the first few are "sponge baths" so you don't have to actually submerge them in water which is less scary. BUT if you got your little man circumcised you have to be careful of that hot mess AND of course the umbilical cord remains; which personally I find disgusting, especially when the Doc says "if it oozes it's ok" ummm like oozes Nickelodeon Slime? Or like oozes Grape Jelly, what are we talking about. Ha you experienced moms are probably laughing at me right now. I need the facts...some crap just isn't in the 45 baby books I purchased. So let's make a checklist of the things you should be careful of.

1. Don't snap their neck off while putting them on their tummy to wash their back
2. Do Undo the Diaper but leave it there since you don't need ANOTHER mess to clean up
3. They are going to cry...because they are freezing..because it's a sponge-bath and it sucks..have a Paci near.
4. Don't drench the umbilical cord since that shit needs to dry up and fall off.
5. Get some natural oil like coconut or something to rub their little bodies with...they are used to being in liquid all the time and then we put em in scratchy clothes and wipe off all their natural oils so give em a break! Plus according to my Aunt; who is a Massage Therapist, Massage is good for babies too :)
6. Dress that baby fast and extra warm for when they first come out, including a hat.

I put out a HUGE towel so I have some traction w/ that slippery wet thing and then their clothes right near. And when they are very small it might be easier to use your kitchen sink instead of a huge tub..that way you aren't bending way down when your business is still healing. And try to will make it a more pleasurable experience for you and the baby. Then once they start to get a little bigger bath-time can be very fun and a good outlet to wind down after a crazy day. What I want to know is...what is this and how do I get one?? I want to play in it, screw the kids! I've heard of some crazy battery operated toys for the bathtub...this seems like an electrocution waiting to happen...thoughts?

Tuesday, February 4, 2014 son of a B%&$@#!

Seriously I fricken hate teething, it's awful, selfish and just an asshole all around. Teething is like that girl that you all know in High School to never introduce any guy friends to because sooner or later she swoops in and takes em from ya and ruins their and your lives.

Drew didn't sleep through the night until 4 months old...which is pretty good still! So we were just getting into the swing of things, I was loving life getting a full 8hours. Things were looking up to say the least. THEN Teething and snow happened basically at the same time deciding to take a hold of my lovely life and turn it into shit quick.

Let me tell you all the things teething affects. Your kid can get:
1. Diarrhea
2. Diaper rash from said Diarrhea
3. Fever
4. Super cranky from either diarrhea or fever
5. Need a lot of extra sleep
6. Need extra food
7. Shoving everything into their mouths, even dog bones
Photo from Orajel

I mean WTF anything else you asshole? O and because of all that shit above your child is NO LONGER sleeping through the night, they aren't sleeping at all matter of fact. It's just not fair...and some kids it never phases them, that would be nice! O and the snow...the blessed snow. I want to move somewhere warmer starting 2 months ago. Basically it means I'm a single parent, it's not Matts' fault, it's his job, he has to do it. BUT I just would like to mention that Matt has been doing snow pretty much since I have met him and this is our first year with a baby and the first year it has snowed like every other day so he isn't home. I swear I would think I am being tested and I'm pretty close to failing. I don't know how single parents do it. I really thought about moving in with my folks during winter. It's so hard...the only time I have to get shit done is while he is napping which thank god he naps. Or when he goes to bed for the night and given the current situation I really should be going to bed when he does at 8pm since I am up a few times a night getting him back to sleep. However I guess I have to shower every once in awhile and the bottles have to get washed at some point. Maybe if I was an experienced mother it would be easier for me. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER OR SPRING OR ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES WINTER!

Ok, that's my rant. I really hope Drew gets over this teething thing quick. At least there's only like 50 some odd days left of winter...I might not hang myself until then. 1 more week of work, I think I can I think I can. O and P.S. I've tried all the shit for teething. ya know what works, Tylenol, but I don't want my kid to be a drug addict so I will suffer along with him.

Monday, February 3, 2014

The Workplace...a Place to Die.

My workplace never ceases to amaze me...I only have a week left and yet I get another blood-boiling email about our awesome policy changes. I feel bad for these poor souls that I am leaving here because their lives are hell. So let's rewind to me returning after my Maternity Leave. The week I come back we get an email saying our payroll dates have changed, instead of being on the 15th and 30th it's moving to the 20th and the 5th as of NOW. OOO Great, thanks for the notice, not like we all don't have a ton of extra money in our bank accounts. Everyone was freaking out, most of our mortgages are due on the 1st and they would use their 30th paycheck for that. Well no more of that! So now everyone feels like they are constantly behind which is an awesome feeling! And this dude has no remorse, O I can give you a little advance if you need it...NO I need my fricken money when we are supposed to get it, not 5 days later! Especially without any notice. How great! Thanks for being so understanding about your employees.

The shittiest part is no one would stand up to him since he is one of those types that just rewords everything and makes you believe he is right every time. It's like talking to a brick wall since he has what's in his head and he won't think outside the box. Case in point when I came back from leave I owed a certain amount for health insurance while I was out...the amount they were taking out of my paycheck didn't coincide with what I owed. So I asked him about it...."o NO it's right, I'll show you, see here is what you owe and this is what we take out" "yea but that means it's more than what I actually owe" "nope it's right" OKAY then douchebag. Then I have the accounting chick come up to me a few weeks later asking why I am paying so much...WELL I explain our conversation...she says "yes you are overpaying" GREAT. Whatever. You can't teach an old dog new tricks I guess.

So then we get an additional email this week saying our payroll date is changing YET AGAIN. Is this dude serious? Is this how you run a company? And he clearly said at our Holiday Party...which if you missed that post you should read it HERE he saved 27k this year switching payroll companies. OK so you save and we get shat on? Oh man I was on fire! So I said Fuck it, I'm leaving I'm going to speak up, not for me but for my people.. HA! So I emailed our "all Staff" back basically stating that this is crappy especially since it was just moved. OH SNAP did that create chaos; then everyone starting emailing their feelings on it also :) That provoked the bear out of his cave, he came out of his office and came to me first asking me why I cared since I was leaving...He's special right? I said I was speaking for everyone here. Then it was like a Team Meeting, and it took AWHILE for him to even get it since he said "well all you have to do is pay that bill before instead of after you paydate" Finally after like 3 people said "With what money? We are counting on that $$ to pay that!" How does he not know with salaries these people are making that they are living paycheck to paycheck, especially the single ones! Give me a break!

In conclusion everyone suggested moving payroll to every other Friday like every other company in the world and he caved in. DAMNIT I should have spoke sooner! That was my good deed for the year.


Saturday, February 1, 2014

My pinky nail is for picking boogers.

I don't understand a lot of the contraptions for babies..I find myself wandering the aisles at Babies R Whatever asking "do I really need this?" Does Andrew need this? Would this make my life easier? I never thought I would buy Boogie Wipes but I was wrong. I have. Anything so he can breathe right? Unfortunately a lot of items you buy thinking "this will be hella great!" then come to find out your little one hates it, refuses it..then you are stuck with X amount of $$ wasted. I am gradually learning that since I really like to be much as I can be with a baby. So I always have like way extra diapers, wipes, formula, food, etc on hand for who knows. I might break both my legs and can't get to the store for a few days!

Sometimes that shit backfires on me, case in point...Babyfood. For some unknown reason Andrew has a hellish reaction to bananas. So I buy all these different items with fruits and veggies in it and POW...hello stomach pains and diarrhea! DAMNIT! And I feel weird taking that shit back like they will look at me at the register and think I poisoned it or something! And those babyfood companies can be VERY sneaky...just the other day I tried giving him this Peach, Berry, Quinoa thing...he left like 2 bites so I just finished it off and I'm thinking "tastes like bananas?" Sure enough there was damn banana puree in there...FOILED again! So now I got two boxes of that banana crap that some lucky sole will be getting for free.

Let's talk about the snot-sucker...ya know babies should be able to push that snot of our their nose. They push pee out, poo out, drool out...wth what happened w/ boogies? Drew HATES the snot sucker, like screams and throws his head every which way and tries to grab it..probably to stab it in my eye or something. So the best thing for me is my damn pinky...for some reason he lets me stick it right in there...Soo gross. The other day I picked a huge one out and put it on my husbands phone...he was soo mad..hey this is what WE signed up for Honey Buns :) This is called fore-play now :)

Let's see what else...o Pee Pee good of an idea as this is..for those of you how don't know. It's a little cloth T-Pee that you put on the boy parts while you are changing him so he doesn't give you a golden shower...wait that's a sexual thing...well you know what I mean. This WOULD work if your little man doesn't move AT ALL. Which hmmm happens NEVER! So someone probably made millions on that thing for no one to ever actually use them.

Ok this is a haunting product...the Windi...see below..I had to actually read the box on this thing cuz I was like "there's NO WAY this is what I think it is."

So this lovely contraption you actually insert into your childs rectum (damn near killed him) to release the "gas" Here is the actual description of the product:

A natural solution for colic, constipation, and other gas-related problems, The Windi works instantly and does not require ingestion of any drops or medication. The Windi is a single-use catheter that helps babies get rid of excess gas. Designed to be safe and effective, The Windi cannot harm your baby if used as instructed. Most pediatric professionals are familiar with the method of using a rectal thermometer to relieve gas, colic, and constipation. The Windi is designed specifically for this purpose. The soft, pliable, hollow tube features a rounded tip that is long enough to reach past the muscle that prevents the release of the gas, and also has a stopper to prevent an insertion too far. 

So Andrew had real bad gas his first few weeks into this world and we figured out it was due to a milk sensitivity, we switched him to Soy Formula and he's never been better! My Doc never suggested we get a rectal thermometer and insert it in there to get the gas out! Nor would I have done that even if instructed to do so. This is def. disturbing to me..did they do test to see if this doesn't have any long-term effects?? And to think I can't even get a snot sucker in his nose how would I be able to get this thing up his butt! yuck yuck yuck.
Any baby contraptions you think are ridiculous?