Spinning...Hitler's Exercise of Choice.

Duuuuuude, how do people do spinning??? So my friend and I have been going to the gym pretty regularly and she's like "lets do this spinning class", it was nice and early to get it out of the way, well I've never done spinning before but my legs are usually the least flub areas so I figured eh why not?! A few things I probably should have researched BEFORE taking a spin class. You fricken sweat pools so bring a bottle of water, or a rag, or both! Research some of the lingo..."you want to be at the top of a 3 moving into a 4" WTF are we talking about here? Should have taken the class at the end of the day since every single muscle in my body was ripped to shreds. Realized the class was actually an hour long and not 45 minutes. Who the HELL wants to spin for an hour?! These people need to be put on medication for sure, they have a problem, this is like crazy Chinese torture shit, this is like 50 Shades of Gray shit except your instructor is a not-so-attractive female and there are no orgasms...actually that's pretty accurate since your vagina feels like you were in the Mile High Club with Ron Jeremy and his crew. FUCK THAT.

And how long does it take to heal "down there" after giving birth, well I'm here to say I am turning on month 8 and I still feel jacked. That thought didn't really cross my mind when I was thinking of taking the class...I mean sex JUST started not to kill me. Then they give you this little banana size piece of chrome to lean your lady parts on while you pedal your happy little ass off. At first you are like "not so bad!" then after about 30 minutes I was pretty much done. I knew at that point there was no sitting on anything hard that night...even my husband..HAHA!  My shit was gonna be ground beef with no tenderizer! Damn you bicycle seats!

So I guess you get USED to the pain, rubbing, agony, after awhile and your lady parts don't hurt as bad...and how might one get "used" to is...Does your vagina grow some sort of callus? Cuz the last thing I want after I've shot a baby out there is to be all calloused over...like "hey Honey aren't I SEXY?" But I can make it through a whole spin class! No thank you! I mean who came up with a bike anyway? I know they needed to get around and shit but why are the seats so small for our fat asses?? And why are they shaped like a penis so the short narrow end basically winds up inside of us while our asshole is being ripped in two because are cheeks are hanging over the sides? Too Graphic for ya? Eh go read some other prudes blog, I am here to tell it how it is..AND to WARN any poor unfortunate souls who have a friend that will persuade them into a spin class. Don't do it! I am speaking from your vagina!

I laughed out loud when I googled "spinning sucks" to find a picture for this post..This pretty much sums it up...Any experiences you have of "spinning" or I will call it "killing your vagina"?


~Candace