Daycare AKA Sickcity

Upon returning back to work after my Maternity Leave we looked at our options of childcare...for some reason a Daycare seemed to be the "safest" way and by safe I mean it's state-regulated, less chance of someone shaking the shit out of Drew for crying or serious neglect, or like a million other things us 1st time moms think about on a daily basis. We took some tours, talked to some people and ultimately decided on one.

That morning I was pretty much losing my mind thinking about leaving him for a full day with basically strangers...well certified, qualified strangers I guess? He's such a complicated eater are they going to be able to get him to eat? Are they going to be able to get him to sleep? Am I going to come home to a monster later? Basically that whole day at work I was in a fog...a "I miss my child like crazy" fog. I couldn't even tell you the conversations I had while I was there. O and not to mention the sobbing that occurred before, during, and after work. Jeez keep yourself together! I speed home to pick him up, dying to know how his day went. Surprisingly they did get him to eat, and sleep, and play! Wow what a relief, I guess they kinda know what they are doing there.

 I still felt AWFUL for not being with him. And he only went twice a week, the other two days my folks watch him and work was gracious enough to give me a day off. So WHAT am I complaining about?? Hard to put into words...constant guilt, resentment, and sadness. Although going to work did give me some instant freedom it didn't matter. On my lunch breaks I would go to Target and buy him stuff...already trying to buy his love. And each day I picked him up he was so happy to see me; that was a great feeling. Fast forward to like a week later and he came down with a cold.

Here's the Top reasons you should stay away from Daycares during the seasons of Fall, Winter, Spring.
1. Your kid becomes instantly sick no matter how clean YOUR house is and how frequently you wash hands.
2. They carry that sickness FOREVER, if you are lucky only 15-20 days.
3. They can just as fast get ANOTHER strand of that sickness and be sick again.
4. That sickness can last at least another 15-20 days.
5. When you think they are getting better NO they are still sick
6. You and your family then get sick.

And this cycle pretty much repeats itself for the course of the year. Andrew was sick for 2 months straight, I thought I was going to buy stock in Vicks. And the kicker is there's not much you can do, we did EVERYTHING...Vicks Babyrub, snot sucker (if he would let me), humidifier, Vicks plug-in Baby vaporizer, Tylenol for aches and pains, propping mattress so he could breathe, putting him in the bathroom while I took a hot shower. All you can do is let em ride it out and try not to get sick yourself. We were lucky, he only got colds, no upper respiratory bullshit or the flu, or any other of the crazy sicknesses that little ones get.

So amidst me taking him to the doctor every week to make sure it wasn't something else I thought maybe Daycare wasn't the way to go for us with him being this young. If he's 2 and getting sick it's one thing, but 3mo old it's a little scary! So we decided to look for a nanny which was WAY harder than finding a daycare, you had to do background checks, google searches, check out their facebook..ya know the important stuff. Then the interviews and re-interviews, touring their house, asking all the appropriate questions..definitely not for the faint-at-heart....BUT the great news is that we found an awesome lady..an X-daycare worker, former teacher, now a stay-at-home mom of 2, 2 little precious girls ages 4 and 6 :) We found her on Care.com and I instantly liked her since she was "normal" like me :) Don't laugh I'm normal! So off again to work while leaving my precious babe with a semi-stranger. He did awesome with her too and didn't get sick like at all! Even with her kids in school which I find impressive. She got him to sleep, eat, and have a good time, and all smiles when I picked him up.

But something still wasn't right...with me. I just couldn't get OVER it. It was like when you listen to a depressing song or watch a depressing movie and you play it over and over again in your mind. That was my EVERY day. I felt awful. Come Monday after a weekend of spending time with my little man I wanted to die. It was like that first day at Daycare all over again. Maybe it will get easier...maybe I need more time...how much time? Shit it's already been 3 months! So then I decided to call it quits. Happy wife, happy life is what I always say and I was so far from happy.I am so lucky and fortunate to be able to quit my job and spend time w/ my little one while he is little, I know a lot of you don't have that option and I feel YOUR pain, I know how it is. My suggestion? Get a fricken Sugar Daddy I won't judge :)

Super Bowl...I mean Superbowl.

I totally almost forgot about Superbowl this weekend...I clearly have too much going on right now. And are we doing anything this year? NOPE! And will I be leaving my house in the below freezing temps...Probably NOT! Jeez the Winter Blues are starting to kick in big time...Even Andrew is getting sick of spending time in our house, whenever we go to the store instead of sleeping he is wide-eyed like "look at all this cool stuff I never see anymore" Sorry son, lugging your ass around this time of year just sucks.

Usually during Superbowl I only pay attention to the commercials that companies shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars to air. These commercials don't particularly make me want to purchase that item but usually provide some pretty good entertainment. When did these commercials become such a big deal? Maybe they found some loophole where dudes get influenced more than women so therefore Superbowl is the most watched sports game of the season and maybe they will make one hungry sole pick Doritos over Cheetos. Hmmm.











 With that being said lets put out some awesome recipes to make for your gatherings while I am at home, maybe washing my hair or bottles :)

I can't take credit for this recipe, My Mom and Aunt just whipped this up one day...crazy bitches.

Buffalo Chicken Wontons
1 package of Wonton Wrappers
1 Rotisserie Chicken
1 package Reduced-fat Cream Cheese
Hot Sauce
Ranch/Blue Cheese for dippin'
Celery/Carrots

This is so fricken easy and so fricken tasty. Heat oven to 350. Shred up chicken, depending on the size of your bird will be the determining factor on how much cream cheese you need. Mine was small so I only used 1/2 of it. If you have alot of chicken you want it pliable so you can shape it into the wontons. Heat up the cream cheese in the microwave for 30 seconds and stir into chicken, add hot sauce to taste, I used 3 Tbsp. Spray a Muffin Tin or Pan with non-stick cooking spray. Take a won-ton put a Tsp-Tbsp of filling in it and seal with a pastry brush and water, or you can fold all the corners to point to the ceiling and then you don't have to seal at all. Place on sheet and back for 15 minutes until browned. Serve w/ Ranch and Blue cheese and Celery and Carrots.

Another amazingly easy crowd pleaser...I'm sure you have seen these on Pinterest
 
Mini Corn Dogs
1 package of corn muffin mix
1 package of Lil Smokies
Mustard/ BBQ sauce for dippin'

Follow instructions on muffin mix and prepare as directed and heat oven to directed temp also, should be around 350.  Spray the shit out of a mini-muffin pan...Be liberal for real cuz that shit will stick. Cut your Lil Smokies in half. Fill up your mini-muffin pan with the batter, just leave a little room and pop the dog in the middle. Then cook em up, let them cool a little before removing them from the pan and serve them with your favorite dipping sauces.
 
What's your favorite Game-Day Recipes?

~Candace

Sippy Cup... Say What?!

After going for Drews’ 6mo Checkup the doctor tells me that we can start introducing a sippy cup… Say What?! He’s like almost 7mo old and we have to do that already?! This is going way too fast for me now…the first 8 weeks I wanted to kill myself but now since he is much funner…yea I said funner who cares this is a blog..it seems like time is flying by. You mean to tell me there will be a day when I don’t put him in my arms to give him a bottle?? O man I am ALREADY emotional thinking about it. It’s crazy how quickly they change, I remember coming home with that bundle of “joy” why do they call it that? There is no joy to be had the first few weeks, call me crazy but you are a hot mess and while the Hospital helps you out by just repeating “breast is best” they kinda don’t touch on a lot of the “other” stuff. Thank god one of the nurses showed me how to give him a sponge bath because I wouldn’t have known where to start…o that’s how you get the back? And your “exit interview” consists pretty much of perineal care…something that is so fricken scary you are like “I have to worry about this and the baby?!” It might be a little easier for those of you who didn’t have to have an episiotomy but by my lucky stars it was like a 20 minute episode every time I had to go to the bathroom. And those pads that they give you…I mean more like Depends because they are gigantic…I felt like a personal life preserver…if this house floods we will be OK! Then the blessed squirt bottle…o but make sure you use ‘warm’ water…I got lazy one of the zombie days and just said fuck it…filled it up right out of the faucet…YIKES!!! That shit is fricken cold! Hello I am awake now! So you have to sit there and let the water warm up, fill your bottle, do your business. Spray the anesthetic up there, get your GI-normous pad, put those damn witch hazel circles on there and somehow get that all up to your business. O and if you are lucky for the first few days you also have to attach an icepack on the bottom of the pad. So if you felt like you waddled before..o hell no, now you have like 5lbs of junk hanging from your undercarriage. And that shit takes forever to heal..o 6 weeks without sex? How about years..yea that’s when I think everything will be tip top again…sorry husband time to subscribe to some Hustler for ya!

While in the Hospital everything is pretty much a blur of Nurses checking on you what feels like every 10 minutes, your baby pretty much sleeping the whole time, them taking your baby for tests and maybe like an hour of sleep every night because of all that mentioned above. I wanted to get out of that damn prison as soon as possible. The only saving grace was when family would visit and bring you food from the outside world because the hospital food is no bueno! I ate so much food after giving birth it was crazy…well you pretty much run a marathon and I hadn’t eaten since dinner the day before, then woke up at midnight, got to the hospital at 3am and started pushing at 12pm and Drew was born at 3pm. Talk about missing some meals AND working your fricken ass off, I was planning on losing a ton of weight since I pretty much exhausted every muscle in my body…pulling on those damn bars for 3 hours and then they hand you the most precious, breakable thing in the world and I am supposed to hold this thing with my jelly arms?? I need a fricken nap and a massage afterwards, holy hell how do people do this who haven’t worked out a day in their life. I know I am not in GREAT shape but I worked out probably 2-3 times a week, doing zumba, or biggest loser xbox or even getting on the elliptical for a little bit. WELL you know what my doc tells me when she made the decision to give me the episiotomy. “you have a lot of muscle down there so it makes it harder to give birth” UMM what? And by down there WTF do you mean…I don’t remember that being a core muscle group when I got my results from the workout…jeez laweez THANKS a lot! At that point she could have told me that I would have to clean out all the bedpans on the floor to have the baby and I would have done it, after 3 hours there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to have him.. I can’t imagine the women that are pushing for longer. I. Just. Cant. I was very lucky with my labor and delivery nurses, they were DA BOMB. Sooo nice to me, coached me, told me I was doing good..who really knows. But that’s probably the best thing they can say to you…YEA please pump up my ego cuz I am about to lose it! The other nurses I had throughout my vaca at the prison…not so much. One in particular didn’t want us to go home…she kept saying things like “don’t you want to have lunch before you go” or “well you are cleared but Andrew isn’t” WHAT does that mean?! And what do I need to do to change that. Yea I’ll just go home and leave him here with you guys if that’s cool…not like I need to be around something that I carried for 9months anyway! WELL little did I know that if your little he/she isn’t scarfing down food and by that I mean breastfeeding for at least 10min per side or drinking a good amount of formula they will prolong your stay and this is EVEN IF he is pooping and peeing on a regular basis and isn’t screaming his/her brains out. But do they tell you this? NO WAY they want to bill the shit out of your insurance for another day so why would they? Man…after failed attempts at breastfeeding…that’s a whole Other story I gave him some formula so we could get out there! Finally after he started eating more regularly they finally let us go on day 3…3 days for a natural birth.. WTF. I mean the kid was just born give him a break! I probably wouldn’t want to eat either! So needless to say I wasn’t exactly thrilled about my extended stay at the hospital so coming home was like a breath of fresh air. I envy those women who do homebirths..they are so brave and it must just feel so great to snuggle in your own bed with that baby after he/she is born. Hopefully if we decide to have another I will have more of a clue on what is going on!
Any horror stories from my audience??

~Candace

Sentiments...Not for me.

Growing up my parents were always sentimental, keeping my trophies, ribbons, scribbles on napkins...a lot of stuff I would have thrown away. I am trying to be better since I now have a son and maybe he might be interested in something years and years from now that he made or did. I already threw out his wristband from the Hospital...I know I'm bad! So I'm going to try to keep his lock of hair from his first haircut even though I think it's a little creepy...and don't even get me started on teeth...I think I will just draw a picture of it or something. This Christmas my mom gave us a children's book that I had written we think in 3rd or 4th grade, and it was for Andrew, for me to read to him now...it was SO NICE. Like the best gift we received this year hands down. I had totally forgotten about it and looking back realized HEY I was a pretty good drawer! :) But seriously it's little things like that that really pull on your heart strings and I hope I will keep some of his stuff around so I can then pass it to him to pass to his future kids..if he has any.


Rewind a little bit to registering for our wedding. Keeping with the sentimental theme I did not register for any "china" or items that said "Mr. & Mrs. Circa 2012" or like fine silver or any of that jazz...because I'm just not like that, I look for functionality and knowing that we were moving to a condo we weren't going to have the room for all that sentimental crap :) I wanted my plates and flatware from Crate and Barrel and that was it! But now I am starting to see the bigger picture because we received a ton of sentimental items for the baby shower, tons of hand-made blankets, quilts, needle-points, all really cool shit that I am finding I really love and can't wait to tell him one day "hey you remember so and so well they made this for you" in this day and age it's almost more money to actually make something than purchase it off the internet, which sort of sucks.

My husband on the other hand is a little TOO sentimental, keeping his jersey from his high school football team...please I threw out my soccer jersey like the year I graduated. He kept all his awards, trophies, certificates, and still has just regular CLOTHES that he wore in high school...hmmm I think that last part is actually part-hoarder. Maybe those were his good-ole days when he didn't have to worry about mortgage payments and sleeping through the night?! He even tries to be sentimental with MY stuff...when I go through my closet and finally get rid of those collared shirts I haven't worn in 5 years he goes to me "well you might want to wear them someday" like someday when all the thread is deteriorated and it smells like a mothball from the rotting fabric? The buttons are rusted over and turn to dust? Yea maybe I will...but throwing shit out just makes me feel so damn good.

Next Stop...Yoga Pants!

With my new-found freedom slowly approaching I will definitely have to find something to wear every day when I'm getting puked on, shat on, spit up on, and now that we will be trying sippy cups soon...water/formula'd on. Oh who's that knocking on my door....YOGA PANTS! Seriously what DID people wear back in the day before these bad boys were so popular? I guess it was sweat pants...YUCK. Yes please add 10lbs to my already 30lb heavier self. At least yoga pants try to be classy...well being black and all. Sometimes I might try to pull them off at work as dress pants...only my really nice pairs :) It's too hard not to wear them, they are so fricken comfy, now I try to wear regular pants and feel all constricted and shit. Also since I still have baby weight to lose I'm still sporting my maternity pants which just suck...sick of wearing a band up to my boobs and folding it over the pants are still falling off of me. What's a gal to do?! We need like free transition clothes from the Hospital or something, I don't want to buy a whole new set of clothes that are in between my maternity clothes and my regular clothes because I got baby shit to buy! There's no buying for yourself anymore, you can try; but once that baby is here your mind shifts and it's all about them. As it should be. I literally have to make a list if I want to look at things that don't pertain to Drew, then I usually leave that list at home and come back w/ formula, paci's, and a cute outfit or something for him. Fail. Fail. It's annoying to see women just bounce right back after having kids. As much as I want to drop the lbs I also want to spend time w/ my son. Well with working that is like an oxymoron since I would get maybe 2-3hrs a night before he's in bed and we start all over again the following day. The only way I can see it's possible is that these women stay at home and don't work. I would feel less guilty about going to the gym if I spent a lot of time with him for sure. Heck it might even be nice for him to play with other kids in the Daycare room while I sweat off some Portillo's Chocolate Cake. So I am going to try to go to the gym twice a week to start out with and to get me out of the house because with my obsession for a clean home I can see myself just cleaning my house every day and re-cleaning and re-cleaning, polishing floors, resealing the granite all crazy shit that does not need to be done on a daily basis. And what will I wear to the gym?? Yoga pants!!! Thank god for the black, stretchy comfy-ness.

Here's a pretty healthy recipe for Chicken Piccata that I absolutely love.
From Cooking Light-Superfast Suppers

2-4oz chicken breast
2 tsp. Olive Oil
1/4 c. Fat-free Reduced Sodium Chicken Broth
2 Tbsp. Fresh Lemon juice (from 2 lemons)
1Tbsp Capers
2 Tbsp. Fresh Parsley chopped
Salt, Pepper

Pound those little breasts to 1/4" thickness, and sprinkle w/ Salt and Pepper. (Cooks Note: I like a little crunch on my chicken so I actually got some flour, seasoned that w/ the Salt and Pepper and then dredged the chicken in there before adding to the pan but obviously that's a little less healthy) Heat oil in skillet over Med/High heat. Add chicken and cook for 3-4 min per side until done. Remove Chicken keep warm in 200 degree oven. In same skillet add Broth, Lemon Juice and scrape up brown bits, cook on High for 1 minute until Reduced. Stir in Capers and add any additional Salt and Pepper to taste. Put chicken on a plate, drizzle sauce over and then fresh parsley on top...the parsley makes all the difference! Nom Nom Nommmers!
Let me know if you try it out!

Shots shots shots! Vaccines I mean

So this week I have to take Drewbear to get his shots and I am not looking forward to it at all...it's like an a sane asylum at the Pediatrician's office, all these kids and babies are so happy in the waiting room, watching cartoons or abusing the fish in the fish tank, then you go behind the doors and all you hear are screams of bloody murder and tears everywhere...what are they doing to these kids?! Last time we got shots he did not do well...was sooo irritable the rest of the day so this time I'm taking their last appointment hoping I will have less hours of irritability. Here he is before the torture.

That's the easy part, the hard part is getting a damn appointment! Every time I call to schedule something they send me to Accounting because I have a 'balance' which is not due from me but from lovely Blue Cross Blue Shield. Then Accounting confirms said balance isn't from me "so we can go ahead and make that appointment for you" o Gee thanks! I look at my EOB's honkey and I know what I do and do not owe. So needless to say every time I call there they act like I'm running away with their Mercedes parked in the parking lot. You would think they would see Drew as an opportunity, this kid is young, lots of doctor visits, this kid is a goldmine! NOPE I have to get on my hands and knees to beg them to vaccinate him. Then when I called to make this one after the accounting hoopla they asked if my insurance was changing and I said 'yes' the group/member id is changing but it's still the same provider....O HELL NO. Why did I say anything?? Well I must have told her she was going to die in 7 days because she lost her mind. WAIT, WHAT? "Do you know what it's going to be and when it's effective date will be??" Why yes I do; I am somewhat of a responsible adult. After giving her the info that took me 3 hours to retrieve from BCBS she proceeded to tell me it doesn't matter since he isn't "showing" on the website under me..not sure what website she is referring to so what does that mean for me? "Well I'm going to have to talk to Mrs. Company Name and get back to you on what we will do in this situation" So I was furious to say the least, I know what insurance we have and what we pay for..and since when did everything have to preauthorize around here, isn't that the point, we come in and you bill? Now you are trying to bill before I come in? And because of this he can't get his shots.

 Well I did what any upset mom would do...I wrote a letter :) It's super long and boring, and I don't want to lose you..it basically said that I am fed up with being treated like a homeless person off of the street that owes you thousands of dollars and would appreciate not being sent to Accounting every time I call for an appt. I was proud of this...I normally just vent to my husband and he just shakes his head while watching football not paying attention to my rant. Then I get a phone call "hello Mrs. Watters" well that was weird, I'm still getting used to sounding like an 80yr old lady. "This is just company policy..anyone who has a balance over $50 goes to accounting, you aren't being singled out in any way, and as far as the appointment if we are still unable to verify his coverage the total amount will be due to you upon checking out." O WELL thank you so much Mrs. Ruin your day. In conclusion I will be looking for a new Pediatrician because I have enough shit to worry about I don't need to worry about my itty bitty balance that BCBS owes you, take that out with them. Shit just is never easy around these parts that is for sure! So say a prayer this week for me while Drew gets poked, cries, and hollers...and I punch out some nurses :)

~Candace
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What the hell did I do this week?

Well this week has been cray cray I feel like until I am done working out my slave duties at my current full-time position I can get NOTHING done...what a great feeling. So I am super far behind on my shows...Biggest Loser, Bachelor, Buying Hawaii...(why do I only watch shows that begin with a 'B') so I tried to squeeze some in on my lunch breaks so I could have something to talk about! First thing first I got two amazing shipments this week...first was from Zingerman's we got our monthly shipment of bacon :) I actually got this for Matt for Christmas in hopes that he would share some with me...ya know what is the best thing in the world..coming home to fresh upscale bacon..this bacon is like no other, every month is a different kind but the similar factor is that all are far too good to be paired with anything else. One month we tried cooking some pieces, chopping it up and stuffing it into burgers w/ cheese...NOPE the bacon was TOO good for the meat! Imagine that?! You literally have to just eat it by itself or on a BLT...it has to be the main star! And I usually get sick of the bacon smell that permeates your house for days after you make it however this shit smells like a fireplace...yum yum. It's also a great gift since it comes with all these crazy facts about where it came from and how it's cured/smoked/whatever they do to make it that bacon-y goodness. Another amazing shipment were my WINES! I am working with the Traveling Vineyard to host at-home wine tasting parties to get me out of the house and have some fun and possibly meet some new people..and not scare them off..well we will see about that last part. It's going to be very hard having 12 bottles of wine just chillin' at my house until Feb. 1st which is my first tasting. Here's a pic of the bacon...yea it's fricken good!

So Buying Hawaii...we just discovered we get the Destination channel which I was psyched about since it will probably be some time before we plan a vaca w/ the little one! The houses on this show are ridic! One was 780sq. feet and 4 floors because it was on the side of a mountain or volcano or something...and it was like 660k! Holy Cannoli's who can afford that?! O but it comes with a free lawnmower, that would be the box of Guinea Pigs on your lawn, it takes them about 6 weeks to do the whole lawn, but you just move them around your yardage in their little happy box...ummm WHAT?! I literally had Matt rewind cuz I was like 'am I tripping on LSD'? I've never done hardcore drugs but Guinea Pigs aka breathing lawnmowers?! And these people were psyched out of their minds so I guess it's sort of a big deal? I will probably never know. My jaw is on the floor during this whole show..which is pretty entertaining.

Next up..BL... this week was makeover week one of my favorite weeks, I swear they just make these contestants look all haggard so then come "makeover week" you put a little lipgloss on the girls and have the dudes shave their nasty beards and Voila BEA-utiful! Well I'm thinking Rachel is going to win this thing, BUT her only downfall is I'm not sure how much more weight she has to lose. The trick of this show is to lose just enough to keep you there until Finals, then lose as much as you can...so the bigger ones get into finals and start shitting LBs and BAM you just won 100k! Can I just say I LUVER Tim Gunn...he's looking so old so it's breaking my heart because I believe he makes this world a better place, he reminds me of like a male Mary Poppins :) And DUDE Chelsea wants to look hot for her 10yr high school reunion? Um that was not cool since I just had mine! That bitch is young! Good for her considering her classmates are probably beluga whales. Now Marie is way hotter than her husband...I could see the insecurity already in his eyes, hopefully he can get over it so they can make some babies. And DAVID, this dude looked like a straight up crypt-keeper before and now he looks like a normal average dad! The magic of television! In the end Tanya and Marie went home.

Bachelor...hmmm I feel like Juan Pablo's voice is the same tone through the whole thing. AND he claims all these connections with these girls already! It's like damn dude you could down-play a little! He had his 1 on 1 with Cassandra meh. She's just meh nothing special..o great body..don't they all have that on this show?! Group date they played soccer, I could have really beat some ass on this date since I am a former soccer player, I enjoyed watching Charlene get beat to shit. Then a 1on 1 with Chelsie. Bungee jump off a bridge?! Sure why not! Yeah right am I the only one who wouldn't risk their life to date this dude. He's hot but man come on! In the end Lucy and Christy went home. Thank god he got Lucy outta there, I was thinking it would be pretty creepy for Camilia to ask her stepmom to put some clothes on.  

Let me leave you with a fabulous bacon recipe however use the regular store-bought shit for this one!

Holiday Bacon Appetizers from The Pioneer Woman 
1lb thinly sliced bacon
1 sleeve of Club Crackers
Brown Sugar or Parmesan Cheese or both!

Preheat oven to 250 degrees. Take a cracker, put 1tsp. of either brown sugar or grated Parmesan Cheese and wrap w/ 1/2 slice of bacon..be careful not wrap too tight or it will morph your crackers. Put on a rack in a rimmed baking sheet (allows the grease to drip down) or you can use a broiler pan. And bake for 2 hours! I took mine out at 1hr45min cuz I just couldn't wait any longer! Good warm or at room temperature, and make a TON because these are a crowd pleaser! Let me know what you think!

~Candace
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A Little Work Fun...well not really.

In my first post I mentioned I am quitting my full-time day job to be at home with my little boy more...lets touch on some reasons why I have made this decision..Enter Stage Left the CEO of my company...he is like an HR nightmare and a cocky sports jockey had a baby! The company I work for is small, under 50 employees however we have 5 department heads...hmmm that seems a little re-donkeyless..so potentially there is 1 department head for every 9 employees and that doesn't count Managers, Supervisors etc. So you can already tell shit is fucked. Not too long ago the CEO just decided to start working and become more 'present' in our companies day-to-day operations..normally he's down in FL "burning money out back" of his vacation home...that seriously is a quote I heard come directly from his mouth. Does everyone feel like they are underpaid yet? Upon his new 'involvement' we all started getting a slew of emails about crap that just pisses everyone off...he just rants and rants to everyone instead of picking out that 1 or 2 people that are doing some shizzle they shouldn't be. I have saved these emails because if I ever feel I am not doing the right thing I want a quick reminder! This one was sent on the day that IL had the below 50 windchill with severe winds and blowing snow. He decided to send this out Sunday night while everyone was enjoying what little was left of their weekend.

Happy New Year to everyone!!  2014 is going to be a year of growth and maturing for Company Name!!

My New Year’s Resolution is to not allow myself or any manager to act as a babysitter or immaturity manager and to expect professional and mature behavior from everyone who is a part of Company.

That will become evident in how I and how I will instruct managers to address tardiness and other unprofessional and immature behavior beginning Monday morning January 6^th.

I DO NOT expect to be sitting at my desk Monday morning at 8:00am and seeing multiple notifications of late arrival rolling in.  I expect that mature professional ADULTS will note the weather and road conditions and account for that, so they are able to arrive at work in time to start our day at 8:00am.  That or if anyone feels they are incapable of accomplishing that, they should submit a request for ETO to take the day off on Monday January 6^th . IF you are gong to take the day off Your ETO request should be submitted today.

I refuse to subject myself or any of our other hardworking staff to anyone who cannot arrive to work on time.   I will be personally addressing EVERY LATE ARIVAL NOTICE FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE STARTING MONDAY.

2014 is going to be the year of Professionalism, Professional Growth and big Bonuses at Company name!!!!

See you all Monday Morning!!!  

The subject of this email was "A New Year and a New Attitude"....so a lot of things come to mind when we all received this...well Jan 6th is 5 days past the new year...we have been working diligently this whole time..where have you been?? He says he doesn't want to be a babysitter however him "personally addressing every late arrival" would be babysitting, or adultsitting or whatever! and LOVE the spelling error...isn't this like an HR nightmare? If someone heaven forbid got into an accident because they got this 'scary' email couldn't you just sue the shit out of Mr. Knows all? I made it a personal goal to be late on Monday and I succeeded, a lot of people didn't show up, can you blame em? So come Monday and we get ANOTHER email...it just keeps getting better. Subject of this one...Working Remote and Attendance.

I am formally putting everyone on notice that in 2014 and until I determine to make a change to the policy, we will not allow or support working remotely. We cannot effectively and professionally respond to and deliver services when people are sitting at home. If you cannot make it to work then take the time off, you have that ability.

Professionalism starts with basic attendance behavior and for 2014, I expect professionalism from everyone at Company Name. I expect people to be here on time and to follow our standard process for notifying of an absence and requesting time off.

Our business hours are 8:00am to 5:00pm (not 8:something to 4:something) with a one hour break in the middle of the day. We all work hard and need a break near the middle of the day so get up from your desk and leave the building. Move around, take a walk, your mind and body need it.

I want to be writing big bonus checks this year and I will only be able to do that if everyone at Company Name steps up their productivity and produces the revenue for me to be able to issue bonuses.

For 2014 Company Name is a no whining, no wimps, take no prisoners, get it done environment. This is the year we hit the ground running and grow up. This is the year of professionalism and big bonuses.

So keep in mind I work with a lady who works STRICTLY from home...like that's what she was hired to do...he obviously didn't think of her when writing this email ...are you saying I am not a hard-worker and doing my job because I'm "sitting at home"...she was very offended to say the least. So basically from these two emails you can put together two things: 1. If you can't get to work on time-call off 2. Working from home not allowed.  We would rather not have any support for this company if you can't get here at 8am, yea that's how we operate, so deal! AND let me just add that these department heads work from home or on the road ALL THE TIME. Constantly getting emails saying "sent from verizon blah blah" so it's pretty funny how it's OK for some but not for others who actually run your company.

 Now let's address the "big bonuses" comment on each of these emails...so normally around Christmas we get some kind of compensation, nothing huge, well not for me anyway but SOMETHING. This year again we get an email; we are having a "mandatory holiday party" ok fine whatever I'll slit my wrists that day for sure....O wait it gets better. This mandatory meeting is AFTER HOURS, at some hole in the wall shit restaurant and guess what we are eating at 7pm on a Wednesday? APPETIZERS. I almost flipped my chair Jerry Springer style upon seeing the "buffet" of finger foods. THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT. Wait I'm missing time out with my boy for THIS? Good thing they had a cash bar and I had cash, otherwise shit would have gotten real. I proceeded on pounding beers while we listened to 3 department heads give speeches about how our company didn't have a profitable year and we are not receiving bonuses. HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE let me get my shotgun so I can end your lives. We couldn't get an email on THIS? The mood changes immediately you can see everyone plotting the deaths of our department heads in their minds. I start texting my husband that I'm going to set fire to this restaurant. I'm still baffled by why they wanted to do this in person and hey you could have saved yourself $50 by not having this little shindig and split that amongst us and I would have been happier. Needless to say a lot of us vowed to be unprofessional and immature and not attend next years "mandatory holiday party". Can you believe it? I would love to hear how your "Holiday Parties" went!

~Candace
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Weekend Recap....What you missed!

So in case you were living under a rock this weekend you may have heard about Drake hosting AND being the musical guest on SNL...well this dude rocks, he had to have like 20-5hr energy's or something because I was tired after watching it! He did some great skits but the one that I loved was the Disneyworld Orlando Indiana Jones Skit...Watch it here I think it's probably because this shit happens all the time!! They ask the audience who wants to participate...everyone is waving their hands..they pick someone and that person is soo excited. They go back stage and say "ok, you gotta do this and you gotta do this" and the person is like "yea, ok, sure, great!" Then they pop em onstage in front of thousands of people, flashing lights, hell maybe Beyonce is even in the crowd...and then BLANK...is anyone home? NOPE! So the hosts just have to run with it, try to make it work...please anything, say anything! Hope they aren't taping for a commercial or something that day cuz you be screwed! I have to say even his musical performances were good.. for some reason they have some kinda shitty stage and sound equip on SNL cuz usually they sound like ass.

Other than that I was pretty sick all weekend got some sorta cold/fluish thing so I basically stayed in with my little man and try to suck out his snuggle power to cure my sickness. Matt was home for maybe 3 hours on Saturday so I decided to take full advantage and make this Mac and Cheese recipe out of my Good Housekeeping Magazine that my awesome friend brought over along w/ other great 'care package' items! I love my friends! This is a healthy recipe so those of you looking for an oooeyy, gooeey, mac n' cheese; so cheesy you need a nap afteward, this is not the one for you! This one would be suitable for lunch since it's not crazy heavy and feel free to modify because I sure did!
-Ingredients-
1oz. whole-grain crackers
2oz. grated Parmesan Cheese
1lb. carrots-thinly sliced (not a fan of carrots I substituted baby spinach)
1lb. peeled, cubed butternut squash (buy the shit that's already cubed and ready to go!)
14oz. whole-grain Cavatappi Pasta
1 1/2 c. low-fat milk
2/3 c. low-fat Cottage Cheese (I used Ricotta cuz it's all I had)
4oz. Reduced-fat Cheddar Cheese-grated
1 c. grape tomatoes, halved
1tsp. salt and pepper to taste

Put a huge pot of water on to boil and add salt. Preheat oven to 425. Cook carrots and squash in boiling water until tender..about 15 minutes. While those babies are cooking put 1/2 of the Parm and all of the crackers in Food Processor and crush em! Pour into a bowl and set aside. When Veg is done put in Food Processor and liquify. Toss pasta in that pot w/ the boiling water and cook for 1/2 the cooking time on the package. While pasta is cooking add milk, cottage cheese, salt, pepper to Veg in Food Processor..I also added Garlic Powder but Nutmeg would be good in here too. Prepare baking dishes they suggest 6 -16oz, spray em w/ Pam. Drain Pasta and add back to pot, add puree and remaining cheeses. Divide pasta among your dishes, top w/ tomatoes and cheese/cracker mixture..side note I wish I would have put tomatoes throughout the dishes because those little babies are like hot love bombs after getting hot in the oven! Here's some before and after shots! Try it out!

Let me know what you think!
I would like to end this post by asking WTH is in Chili's Guacamole?? This shit is bionic, not only does it taste amazing...how come I didn't know about this before? BUT it has roasted corn, peppers and onions in it with a bit of heat...mmm Mommy likey! Here is the weird part...this shit never gets brown..ummm what kinda chemicals are in this thing where avocados don't turn brown like the second you open one up? See below this is Day 2! Wondering if somewhere on the Internets is this Secret Guacamole Recipe so I can then decide if I will want to eat it again or if there is like cat toenails in it to keep it green...until next time.

 ~Candace
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Fun Topics...Pregnancy!

So let's back up a little...preconception...because last year about this time I was frantically perusing the Internets for all and any info I could scrap up before my little bundle of joy was born into this world of Mayhem. WELL if you weren't already so tired you could bust out a nap at any time/day looking at all the posts/blogs/online books will put you into a coma...and leave you with some very conflicting advice. So for me being pregnant was pretty easy I have to say after hearing horror story after horror story of others...no massive vomiting while driving down a highway..no jabs in the bladder that made me pee my pants...so what plagued me the most was the NEVER ENDING advice from every Tom, Dick, and Sally...Tom, Harry, Susie? You get my drift...and every article was the same and every conversation was the same
1. Get your sleep while you can.
2. Eat up; you are making a person.
3. Any names yet?
4. Do you have a birth plan?

"Get your sleep while you can"...are they for real with this one? I found it VERY difficult to sleep when I was a good 30-45lbs heavier than normal, had excruciating hip and pelvic pain and top that off with the urge to pee every 20 minutes and that my friends equals NO SLEEP FOREVER. Which is my eyes is totally fine, hey it's preparing you...let's say you found glorious sleep your whole pregnancy, always had that "glow" about you...fast forward and your little bundle of joy is up every 2-3hours to eat/poop/projectile vomit ya know the cute stuff :) I'm pretty sure we would all just drop dead, just find a hole somewhere jump in it and bury ourselves. However, since most of us don't have that; the last few weeks/months you may become a walking zombie..and hey it's cool because at least you are past that "I'm not fat I'm pregnant" phase and maybe people will start helping you out! And just take it, if you Mother In-Law wants to come over and pick up dog poop for you, have her do it, if your Brother wants to scrub the floors, have at it, you will not get these offers forever, so put up your feet, grab a cold one (water) and watch the magic of being pregnant work, you are MAKING a child..if that's not enough to go take a nap whenever you damn well feel like it then you need to switch out your circle of friends my lovelies.

The notion that while being pregnant you can eat your little heart out..I think the only time in my life I couldn't eat my little heart out was when I was pregnant. HELLO heartburn! O I had 1 little tomato in my salad? Prepare not to sleep at ALL tonight! It's like little evil villains are in your meals..."are you going to eat me and pay the price?" Then things that bothered you one week will not bother you the next so you think you are in the clear and you try it again and POW you thought wrong bitch! Perfect example..here is me at Baconfest 2013 I think I was 6 or 7mo pregnant, sorry it is so blurry, Matt was losing it with all the baconess...best time EVER but boy did I pay..and there are no chairs at this thing...like none, I made my husband get on his hands and knees so I could sit on his back..he's a good guy :) btw that's his beer, I knew what you were thinking!

Names, Names, such a fricken HUGE decision, this little person is going to have this name for the rest of its' child/adult life...make sure it sounds good enough for a resume but can be cute when they are little...here are the Top Ten of 2013. Do I want a Top Ten? So after countless nights and baby name books ( a little side note some babybooks are CRAP, names like Dog and Toilet...um I don't think so, here's the one I really enjoyed: Baby Names Almanac 2013 by Emily Larson   ) you FINALLY pick one...now...do you tell people- is the next huge fricken deal...seriously why does this have to be so hard? My advice is if you don't want to hear advice from others DON'T TELL! As soon as you have found that perfect name someone will let you know 'matter of a fact-ly' that a dude with that name slaughtered 24 people and buried them in his backyard circa 1920. O thanks, I hadn't thought of the mass murdered back in the 20's. I'm sure glad you brought that up! Doesn't matter if it's a family name or what you will hear all the things you really shouldn't just simply because people don't know what to say which is weird, just say GREAT! And if you tell people you don't know yet...another 'no-no' then they want to help you! O how about Persey...how about Hansel...no, no no. Another reason why I didn't want to announce it until he was born was because like 5 of our friends were all pregnant at the same time...I really didn't want someone to pass up naming their kid the name we chose just because I was due before them because I KNOW how hard it is to pick a name and if we had to go back to the drawing board I might have lost the last 3 hairs I had on my head.

Last but not least the blessed birth plan...I really would like to know if any of you had one and if it worked out for you..I feel like this is sorta a waste of time. Now if they could put you in a room and hook you up to electrodes so you could experience labor pains before going into labor then maybe you might have a better chance of living out your birthing plan..but in the heat of the moment when your asshole is going to split in two and there's 45 people in your room and your Husband looks like he's going to lose it...might not be the best idea to point out that this isn't part of the birthing plan. So I suggest not asking this question because in reality we all have an idea of the perfect birth and what we want...now does that really happen? Hmm maybe 1/10?

 Here's some things you can ask to someone who is pregnant...or at least I didn't mind them :)
"how are you feeling" - and I was brutally honest with this one..."well my hips and pelvis are separating more and more each day so it's like a Saw Movie in my pants"
"can I help you" - and even if they say "NO" you force that shit and help them..I HATED asking my mom to come clean my house...but I also HATED looking at my house covered in dog hair and she didn't mind at all...so it's a win-win you just have to accept the defeat. My advice, get a housekeeper..just for a few weeks until you can open your eyelids again.
And cook some damn meals for these preggars bitches...that's what we want and need...and no you can't see the baby...just really make the food, wrap it up, provide instructions and leave...we can schedule a day where I actually put regular clothes on and shower some other time :)
So how did I do...leave anything out? Did you find this helpful in any way?

-Candace
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Did I agree to THIS?! New Wife, New Mom, New Outlook?!

So it's 9pm...Andrew is asleep, I've taken a shower and washed 5 Million bottles that I've been putting off for days...if the only thing we have tomorrow are clean bottles I'm cool with that! The last thing I want to do is touch the load in the washer that's been festering for a number of days...maybe I'll just restart that cycle and call it done! So let's start a blog..people keep mentioning to me that I always have funny, semi-useful things to say and that I should share with this world, maybe I could help out one poor soul with my advice? We will see :) But what will set mine apart from all the others? Welp, there are definitely going to be a TON of grammatical errors...is grammatical a word? Punctuation will Fucked UP. O and swearing, if you didn't catch that, you might not want to be reading this as your boss walks by asking for the TPS reports. I can gaurantee at least one smile...maybe even a laugh out loud? Who would dare?! I'll hopefully touch on some relate able topics for my fans. And why am I starting this thing you ask? Well I've decided to throw a Hail Mary...I am quitting my full-time job and am dabbling into a new part-time career so I can stay at home with my little one...O I forgot to mention that...Andrew.

My little man is 6mo old and a ball of energy, here's a fricken adorable picture...yea I make cute kids what can I say.

Anywho he keeps me on my toes and I'm sick of being a depressed basket-case come Monday morning and I have to go into a job I am learning to hate. That is a whole OTHER story. Am I nervous? HECK YES! I've gotten used to my paychecks, used to the insurance and used to the monotony that occurs on a daily basis. And let me tell you being at home w/ a kid(s) is the HARDEST job you will ever do...so anyone that says..."O how nice you don't have to work" well you can just punch them in the face because this my lovelies is the hardest job ever, harder then cleaning poop at the poop factory...wait he is a poop factory! No scheduled lunch breaks, the boss is cranky if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it but doesn't know how to tell you what he wants so you just have to guess. You will have days that will make you go "yes I can do this!" and then days that you will go "Did I agree to this?" and no days are the same. So throw caution to the wind and let's get started! I would like to embark on a journey where I am on-call 24/7 with no pay :) But in the end it will all be worth it because I won't have that "going to hang myself in the broom closet" feeling...well I might but then I just have to make Drew smile or laugh and all is well. I will end this short post with a babyfood recipe that I made over the weekend :)

Recommended for Babies 6mo+ after they've had each fruit/veg separately to check for allergies
7 Apples (anything but green)
7 Sweet Potatoes
1/2 Tsp. Cinnamon

Peel the apples and sweet potatoes and cut into chunks, add to boiling water and simmer until soft. Pop all those yummies into a food processor and save the cooking liquid for easy blending. Puree in food processor. Add cooking liquid to make a desired smooth puree. Then add cinnamon and pulse a few more times.
Let me know how your little one liked this recipe if you tried it.

-Candace
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