That morning I was pretty much losing my mind thinking about leaving him for a full day with basically strangers...well certified, qualified strangers I guess? He's such a complicated eater are they going to be able to get him to eat? Are they going to be able to get him to sleep? Am I going to come home to a monster later? Basically that whole day at work I was in a fog...a "I miss my child like crazy" fog. I couldn't even tell you the conversations I had while I was there. O and not to mention the sobbing that occurred before, during, and after work. Jeez keep yourself together! I speed home to pick him up, dying to know how his day went. Surprisingly they did get him to eat, and sleep, and play! Wow what a relief, I guess they kinda know what they are doing there.
I still felt AWFUL for not being with him. And he only went twice a week, the other two days my folks watch him and work was gracious enough to give me a day off. So WHAT am I complaining about?? Hard to put into words...constant guilt, resentment, and sadness. Although going to work did give me some instant freedom it didn't matter. On my lunch breaks I would go to Target and buy him stuff...already trying to buy his love. And each day I picked him up he was so happy to see me; that was a great feeling. Fast forward to like a week later and he came down with a cold.
Here's the Top reasons you should stay away from Daycares during the seasons of Fall, Winter, Spring.
1. Your kid becomes instantly sick no matter how clean YOUR house is and how frequently you wash hands.
2. They carry that sickness FOREVER, if you are lucky only 15-20 days.
3. They can just as fast get ANOTHER strand of that sickness and be sick again.
4. That sickness can last at least another 15-20 days.
5. When you think they are getting better NO they are still sick
6. You and your family then get sick.
And this cycle pretty much repeats itself for the course of the year. Andrew was sick for 2 months straight, I thought I was going to buy stock in Vicks. And the kicker is there's not much you can do, we did EVERYTHING...Vicks Babyrub, snot sucker (if he would let me), humidifier, Vicks plug-in Baby vaporizer, Tylenol for aches and pains, propping mattress so he could breathe, putting him in the bathroom while I took a hot shower. All you can do is let em ride it out and try not to get sick yourself. We were lucky, he only got colds, no upper respiratory bullshit or the flu, or any other of the crazy sicknesses that little ones get.
So amidst me taking him to the doctor every week to make sure it wasn't something else I thought maybe Daycare wasn't the way to go for us with him being this young. If he's 2 and getting sick it's one thing, but 3mo old it's a little scary! So we decided to look for a nanny which was WAY harder than finding a daycare, you had to do background checks, google searches, check out their facebook..ya know the important stuff. Then the interviews and re-interviews, touring their house, asking all the appropriate questions..definitely not for the faint-at-heart....BUT the great news is that we found an awesome lady..an X-daycare worker, former teacher, now a stay-at-home mom of 2, 2 little precious girls ages 4 and 6 :) We found her on Care.com and I instantly liked her since she was "normal" like me :) Don't laugh I'm normal! So off again to work while leaving my precious babe with a semi-stranger. He did awesome with her too and didn't get sick like at all! Even with her kids in school which I find impressive. She got him to sleep, eat, and have a good time, and all smiles when I picked him up.
But something still wasn't right...with me. I just couldn't get OVER it. It was like when you listen to a depressing song or watch a depressing movie and you play it over and over again in your mind. That was my EVERY day. I felt awful. Come Monday after a weekend of spending time with my little man I wanted to die. It was like that first day at Daycare all over again. Maybe it will get easier...maybe I need more time...how much time? Shit it's already been 3 months! So then I decided to call it quits. Happy wife, happy life is what I always say and I was so far from happy.I am so lucky and fortunate to be able to quit my job and spend time w/ my little one while he is little, I know a lot of you don't have that option and I feel YOUR pain, I know how it is. My suggestion? Get a fricken Sugar Daddy I won't judge :)
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